Never Tell Anyone

I never tell anyone about this and yet nobody actually asked me before too. Why I am in an internship? Why would I go for Exchange? To be frank it’s never in my mind before I reached my third year. I was just driven by the will to make a number for AIESEC in UUM. Hopefully I will be able to contribute to a X number especially in MT. That’s my thought one year back.

To be franked, before that I am seriously scared and afraid of going for Exchange. I don’t really have that much of confident that you seen in me today. I never know that will I be enough for the employer especially those company who participated as TN are usually highly profile company.

But all those change at the moment when I am holding the position of LCP. I had been encouraging people to go Exchange since years ago but if myself is not confident about that, I have no right to encourage people to go for it. Funnily, I just built that kind of intention in my heart and after a while, it became a desire within myself. And now, I am in India having my internship.

I work for a company that had a really small workforce. Despite doing all the basic jobs, I who used to be a leader for an organization, leading is my field of expertise, but today, I am just nobody. Is this the learning that I am looking for? I wanted to be someone who can survive anywhere, and people said, that will be India. Looking at myself today, then only I got to know that I am actually just an ordinary human who is very incomplete. I am making a lot of mistakes with a simple task. Worst of all, we had said before, must never repeat the same mistake, but in this case, I had repeated some of the mistake twice. I am a leader, I shouldn’t be doing this. I thought I can do anything. Just being 2 weeks in this job, I had undergone a few times of depression towards my own capabilities.

However, I would not let myself to be a hostage of my own mind. I wouldn’t let it make me down. It’s okay to take some time to grieve over the unhappiness but after the short grieving process, I will move forward and not let it be an issue for my own progress. There are also time where I wished to talk to people and there is no one that I can talk to around, but again, I won’t let that be my hostage. No way it’s gonna stop me from doing what I am supposed to be doing here. I will be the manager for the company in this place within the next one month. So, how can I be lowered down spirit by that, NEVER!

Working life Is hard and beyond my expectation but it also makes me reflects a lot of things like the mistakes that I made when I am the leader. There is no way, I can make up for those and of course, it’s not a good reason for me to make mistake also. Hence, I will really ensure myself really really not going to make the same mistake. Anyway, I just been doing this job for two weeks, so, perhaps I need more time to make this better.

Seriously, in my current condition, I am superbly easy to be taken as hostage by my mind. Family needed me back at Malaysia, condition in India that is quite hard and harsh, working environment and practices that I am not really enjoying, guilt towards the past that I had and many more. But, regardless of what, I am not going to surrender and be a hostage of my own mind. I will fight back and take back my mind. No more hostage at the table. I will take back all my hostage mindset and make myself a set of hostage negotiator towards my own mind.

No matter what, India is just a small challenge in life. Cannot get over in India means I will never go anywhere in this life. This world won’t stop because of anyone, but I will make this world go round. This is a promise that I make to myself. Let’s do it! Newly adopted name in India, “woo”. So,

“Woo I am sure you can do it. You want to know why? Because I am YOU”

–woo-